hmm my mood isn good for the past few days...even till now...although i didnt think about anything unpleasant anymore...yup...anyway i was just hoping to find back those stuffs we used to do together..is that wrong?i dont know but i just felt so useless...its all my fault...if i have gotten my driving license i guess i will be happier...we can go out till late night...we can search for the vehicle even after the shopping mall is closed...it was so much fun yup...i really missed those times...especially that day when you asked me if you could hold my hands:)haha...and i enjoyed getting stuck in vivocity...and where we sat at the open space area and chat till it was midnight...haha..but i guessed its kinda hard now until i get my license haha...because if we take the last train home...you will miss the transport and gotta waste money for taking cab home...

i dont know what am i talking now...haha i talked to my best friend just now(if he still regard me as one)...haha he dont seem as interested as in the past anymore about what i am trying to say to him...well and anyway i dont wish to see any blogs talking about me trying to gain sympathy or anything...all these are just what i am feeling from the bottom of my heart yup...and i hope by saying this i wont offend anyone...i hate the same thing to happen again ya?

and wait i know its wrong to bring up this issue...but i really didnt mean to "spoil" the relationship between you and your brother...i know i didnt have the right to meddle into your stuffs with him...but i just felt so unfair..i didnt know why...and i talk about this today because i dreamt of this and i didnt tell you because i am afraid that you will get unhappy again..maybe you are right with what you said..you said something like you will tend to give in just to maintain the good reltaionship with people...yup...and i think i shouldnt ask you to talk to him about it...i am sorry...you dont have to do this just for me...i know you are unhappy as well but not to that exent of telling him about it right?maybe i'll just hope that things will be fair to you:)and maybe what i did is wrong or maybe right?but i have no bad intentions...is it wrong to side the person i love?is it wrong to feel unfair for him?i dont know...and maybe you have already told him?but whatever is it...i'll never understand the good relationship between you two:)

everytime i get to write all these things i'll feel better but i know soon...trouble will arise...but anyway boy...i guess you wont be reading this huh?but no matter what i did...its all for you and nothing else...yup...believe me or not...

and i've understand everything you've told me...i didnt think of those stuffs anymore after you told me not to:)

Rachael