finally exams are over:)i am supposed to be joyful about it...yup SUPPOSED to...but i am not i guessed?i didnt plan to be unhappy...thats not a plan...and i didnt meant to be...but it just came...its not about my relationship definately...i hope i wont have to be unhappy about my relationship anymore:)i am just a normal girl...i dont like to cry...all i need is someone to wipe my tears...someone to walk with me:)

holiday period is here again...and once again i am SUPPOSED to go YEAH YEAH YEAH FINALLY NO SCHOOL...but i didnt...i've got things in mind which i gotta sort out during the holidays...i wanted to share with you..but i am afraid that you'll have your own things in mind:)i want to look for a job and work...but on the other hand...if i work...i wont have enough time to practise my piano which is kinda screwed up...yes i am practising my hanon now although i am grade 8 and i am SUPPOSED to complete the whole book of hanon but its kinda rusty now so i took it to practise again...i have pushed my exam pieces to one side..its kinda frustrating when you cant get the notes right...its nice to hear the whole complete piece played out by me...but who has seen the hard work, the frustrations, the irritation, the painess behind?who has seen me banging my fingers on the keyboard when i really get to the point of saturation?i really want to commit...but its easy to say...i know i have to put in tremendous effort which i have not now...which is why i really hate myself...

i am so afraid that i am using this excuse not to find a job...ARGHZ...i am so ..... now...fill in the blanks..

i promise i will practise everyday...
i promise
i promise...

am i lying to myself?

Rachael