just to warn you...this will be a lengthy post i guess...

hmm...do you know what i love to do most if i am sad or whatever?in short when i am feeling not so good?usually when this happens...i'll turn on my computer and start to blog...to vent all my frustrations...i hope to feel better after that but i seldom do...so whats the purpose of me blogging?i dont know...dont wish to know either...treat it as i am just practising my typing skills?

as usual...school is super stress because of.........you should know...in fact...i have to do most of the things myself...i cant blame them...i just have too high expectations of myself sometimes...but seriously...i really cant take it on my own...how am i going to have the brains and knowledge and strength of 5people? or at least 4?just blame it on my luck that i have to endure all these....but noone can help me?who can?looking at the rest just makes me want to cry...but its not going to be useful...nor neither its gonna help me change all these facts...but sometimes i just wonder...why is it me?why its not someone else?its my final year and the heaven is playing such a trick on me...i dont need all these unnecessary obstacles to prove myself...i really have no time for it now...

working with them just makes me feel so lonely...so left out...because i cant fit into their convesation...be it the topics they are speaking or just the most basic things...language...i dont blame them...i dont think that they are bad or whatever in any ways because i guess if I were them i'll behave the same...its natural i guess...but the question comes again...why is it have to be me?

hmm...woke up everyday since school started with a headache every morning...stress fills me entirely when i am in school...it just wont leave me even for a second...especially during today's practical...i almost going to give up...until you told me not to...everyday i went home hoping to be happy but it seems that you are just giving me bad news...i just cant help but feels so disappointed and sad about everything...

its so hard to even plan a dinner with you...its so hard to even wanting to go out with you...its all my fault i dont blame you...you had your reasons..and being the unreasonable me...all i know is asking you to take MC...

i really dont know what to do...i am just so stressed up and tired and disappointed:(please dont bother to console me or whatever...no one does anyway...but i really dont need that now...because noone is in my shoes...noone will understands how i feel...

Rachael